What an Empath ISN'T.

It seems today that more and more people are claiming to be an Empath,
and I see more more fakes, or people who have lied to themselves, and actually believe that they are indeed an Empath.  It is true that we are all empathic in some degree but a true Empath will stand out from the rest.

You won't need to be told that they are an Empath, you will KNOW. They will be the new friend that you have that within mere minutes, you will feel as if you have known them a lifetime. Comfortable to talk to because they don't judge you and are truly sympathetic to what they are listening to, or reading.

Here are some things that help you spot the true Empath from the wannabe Empath.

• You will never see an Empath who is political.  I'm not saying that we aren't political or have our preferences in a particular party , but you will never see us take a public stand on any particular side.

Why is that? Politics leave room for contrasting conversations and Empaths hate being around anything that can lead to confrontation, anger, or the stress of a heated conversation.  It evokes a feeling in an Empath that is so uncomfortable that they literally run from any subject that COULD lead to them to feeling this level of stress.  You won't see an Empath state any particular religion, political stance, or a public view on anything that can turn confrontational. Ever. Plain and simply, We are the peacemakers that seek harmony any all costs.

• You won't see an Empath advertise their "little gift" publicly and especially bring it to attention, at least not on purpose. lol!  I've seen people put it in their name on Facebook and other sites (example  suzieEMPATHsmith) the first time that I saw that, I laughed so hard that I nearly choked!

If you feel that you have to point it out at all,  you aren't one. It should be obvious!  I mean, would you feel compelled to make your name be SuzieFEMALEsmith?  Or suziesuzieCAUCASIONsmith? Of course not! You would tend to think that it was already known.  We know who we are, and never feel the need to announce the obvious.  We aren't hiding it, but we're not advertising it either.
Why show anyone your vulnerability? It would be like announcing that you have gold bricks buried in your back yard and then give your address, and what times you will be away,  also throwing in (just in case that wasn't enough) that there is shovel is in the garage, behind the pick ax  and loaded gun! And for added measure, You might want to leave a note telling them to not wake the neighbors.

• You will never see an Empath that isn't a writer, or a poet, or a painter, or have a huge love for music or the arts.  These outlets bring us inner harmony and soothe away everything around us that makes us feel uncomfortable.  These outlets bring us much needed peace when everything else seems to be chaos.

• Finally, and probably the most important thing is that you will never see a real Empath start or participate in a  fight, or accuse, or blame, or smart off at anyone.  The reason being,  that hurting anyone brings you more pain than you could ever injure someone else with. Those emotions felt by others are most certainly felt by an Empath.  It would be too much like self harming yourself. If an Empath doesn't like you, they will avoid you without a word being said. Causing any kind of waves at all is what we avoid. This is why you will see an Empath apologize more than anyone, assume blame before anyone else can, and try to fix what feels to be broken. We desperately need peace.

When sometime confides in you that they are an Empath, watch their actions and reactions carefully. You will know in a matter of minutes.

What If?

 All of my life I have kept a part of myself hidden from even my closest friends. Probably the most important part of myself. Not exactly the prettiest view, but a view into what makes me... Me.

 We are taught at an early age "laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone". I'm not disputing that THAT isn't how things work, but that maybe we don't always need someone to laugh with us, but, to cry with us as well, and maybe, just maybe, mourn with us too. If only to see the defeat that brought about the victories that we present proudly today.

Ahhh, Ella Wheeler Wilcox.. Another fellow sojourner in this world. It's OK to be sad, fucked up, broken,lonely, hurt,and crazy.. As long as you never let anyone see it! Who exactly made this rule?
As long as everything appears beautiful, positive, and perfect then, and only then, is it acceptable to show.

 After 47 years of life I've found that life is neither all good, or all bad, but rather, it is the combination of the two halves that make us who we are, and where we are, at this exact minute.

Winners sometimes lose, fighters sometimes get the hell beaten out of them, and perfect people were once very humanly, flawed. And yet, no one shows the steps leading them to where they stand today. Why? Because no one likes to see, or hear of it.  There are at least ten posts a day on my facebook news feed calling these honest souls (who bare it all) to "get over it", "take it somewhere else", or simply "no cares, please DON'T share!"

 I log in to Facebook and I'm faced with the question, right up front, and I have to choose to lie, or to tell the truth. "what's on your mind?" stares me down until I think up something funny, or, beautiful enough to say that represents the acceptable and spit-shined, polished to perfection ... Me!

Some days, I. just. can't. do. it!

When I'm not up to lying, I skip Facebook and the hard question altogether. I hate lying.

 I think of that old cliche "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all"... It seems we've been programmed from the start to never speak of the messy, and less desirable things, of our lives with no one. But isn't it the messes that we've cleaned up, and lived through, that gave us the greatest lessons? Isn't that where are greatest victories are from? The lessons that made us grow into this wonderfully beautiful spectrum   rainbow of shimmering colors that we show the world? The heartaches, the pain, the tears, that were paid in full to present?

 I see that some people are better at lying than most of us. These Pollyanna types ( that most of the world secretly hates) because the icky sweet they show off, is sickening! They call it "being positive" .. I call it being crazier than I could ever hope to be. When you think they can't possibly get worse then they focus in on you and do the unthinkable as they spout out advice that even the most pious, and most supreme being, could NEVER follow. And if you question it, you are just seeking attention or wanting sympathy.

And what's so bad about accepting or wanting sympathy when you hurt or when you are too sad to think? Do we really need a cheering section all the time? Show me to the mourners! I want to cry with like minded individuals! I need to wallow in the pain of being ignored by those that I love, and hurt by someone who was to never hurt suppose to hurt me. I need to share my shitty day with somebody!

If extreme honesty makes you uncomfortable, and if seeing someone fail, makes you cringe... then you might want to skip my blog altogether. I am changing the direction of my blog. My changes may include my most undesirable view of life, as well as the beautiful view... the two halves complete and documented.

Are you up to laughing with me AND crying with me? Are you?