There comes a time (usually on a sleepless night) when you step back from everything to get a better look at YOUR own life... I do(when my home is quiet and I have time to step into "My quiet thinking mode") And ponder life's hardest questions. And while I think that everyone does this too (at different hours perhaps)... I still have to wonder if anyone can find the honest answers.
I look to my friends and I see many of them stepping out on faith these days and doing things that they never dreamed of doing or being in situations that they never saw themselves being a part of... I am thinking that someone must of asked them THE QUESTION.. ya know .. THE QUESTION!.. and now they are in search of the answer!
The first part of the word "Question" is "Quest".. so I suppose that if you don't have the answer, that it's up to you to set out on a quest to find the answer. Is this what my friends are doing?
I have found that I've been stumbling over seemly simple questions for a while now.. I had the same type of questions haunt me throughout my life.. Now, I think I am just too scared to answer them, because I don't want to hear the answer that might slip out of my OWN mouth.
I cringe when I get the "Are you happy?" question! that one gets me every single time! I might have actually been happy until I was asked "THAT QUESTION".. ya never know!
Clearly, I can picture my tiny little brain blowing gaskets and popping a few valves just trying to give the completely honest answer to "THE QUESTION" of my happiness.
Being the talkative person that I am.. I have to say that THAT one question just stops me in my tracks and leaves me speechless. Is anyone really happy? And if you are..Is it something that you have to check every single day to make sure that it's still working properly and intact? Is there a deadline to answer? and what if, just.. what if.. the answer is "No"?
Then what?
When I hit 40ish I noticed that the emotions that I once ruled... now, rule me!
I don't stay in one mood very long.. usually. Does anyone?
That has to be a trip in itself to be ONE mooded! If I am going to have commit to a definite answer.. Then I have to know that I actually am happy... at least 90 or 50 er... OK....20 percent of the time... right? Is there a percentage or a certain measurement of happiness in ones life, heart, mind or wherever happiness dwells... to be able to say.. a positive.. YES.. or NO?
I remember telling a friend of mine that I was EMO wayyy before being EMO was even cool! lol! (for the older kids.. EMO is short for "Emotional"... usually sad)
That "are you happy?" question is right up there with that other question that I ran from when I hit my teens.. you know the one! "So.. what do ya wanna be when ya grow up?" I usually just smiled and said... "Ummm.... older!"
The older ya get, the questions get harder as ya go too! In my 20's the question was.. "So ya gonna get married and have some kids or what?" to which I replied.. "LOOK! I got new socks last week!"
Let's see.. Am I happy? I can say with almost all certainty, and of course guesstimating my way through.. and winding up on the other side of this question..
I don't think so!
All I can think of is, after this life is over, and all is said and done.. Is there a test? I hope with all of my heart, that there isn't like a
"end of lifetime test" kinda thingy.. cause if there is.. I'm so screwed!
Do you stumble over a easy question that you just can't answer honestly to not only the person who asked you.. but to YOURSELF?
Are you happy?
well...... ARE YOU?
**Note** yeah...... just rambling out what's going on inside my brain.. and it may not make sense to anyone other than me..*shrugs* it happens!
